One day, I was listening to a podcast featuring Dr. Phil. He was sharing his thoughts on the disappointments we face when having overly high expectations that don’t often reflect reality. He also mentioned something about accountability, and how we often fail to reflect upon our own actions when making decisions. As I am listening to this, I realized how easy it is for us to blame others for our hardships and failures. I have to admit that I’ve been dealing with this issue my whole life! I’ve been pouting about what others have done to me, and what others should have done so that I wouldn’t be in certain situations; Yet, I failed to notice my responsibility in managing my own choices. This is where accountability and taking ownership of our own actions comes in to play.
The ‘victim mentality’ won’t help you
‘If it weren’t for you this wouldn’t be happening‘ is a statement that many of us have used to take the sting out of the bad choices we’ve made, whether it’s bad relationships, terrible money management, or just bad habits overall. I often found myself looking at others for answers to my problems, feeling resentment of others, and even worse, feeling helpless to fix my mistakes. I was impulsively spending money without budgeting and saving for my future. I found myself among friends who I couldn’t trust because I ignored the warning signs. And, I was eating a unfulfilling diet that I knew was bad for my health. In all three scenarios, I am the center of it all—no one else.
The victim mentality doesn’t work because you find yourself creating false hopes of others who didn’t agree to satisfy your wants and needs in the first place. That’s all on you. When I blamed others for my mistakes, there was always a counter-response aiming right back at me. I was refusing to accept accountability in fear of being wrong. In the end, ‘victimhood’ only caused a competition of who did what to whom, and why. Most of the time, this didn’t solve anything. Honestly, I had to look at my own actions to find the source of my mistakes that only I knew, deep down, was because of me.
Certainly, it’s not easy to admit that you are wrong, or even that whatever is happening around you is due to your own choices. But, it has to be done in order to free yourself from the habit of making bad decisions.
In all, habits are like weeds that grow wildly and relentlessly until someone decides to cut them!